Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Rich and Stupid

Rich and stupid. There’s an unlimited supply of it! It's everywhere! You can't turn for the rich and stupid in this world right now! Time to rise and fight my friends! High time to rise and fight!

You cannot pick up a paper or peruse one online because it’s everywhere. It’s like one giant celebration of stupid and stupendous antics. We should be chanting that enough is enough but instead we sit back and pretend this is all news, like this is the way we all behave.

Whether we’re talking about an Australian middle-aged former cricketer romancing a ditzy ex-model Brit, an Australian footballer with an absolute gift for getting into hot water with the all so toxic combination of drugs and teenage girls, or a Hollywood star who’s obviously on a downward spiral – it’s about time we told the people who report on this crap to kindly fuck off and put their journalism training to better use. Clearly we will find out what Charlie Sheen’s up to without their help – he’s on Twitter now! Self-reporting, how much closer to the truth can you get?

Back in the day they kept stupid people on a short leash. Stupid people were given limited opportunity to express their views, they were kept hidden at home or only allowed to frequent the local watering hole. Any opportunity to talk at the public was limited to talkback radio which made it really easy to avoid with the added bonus of having plenty of other stupid people having the opportunity to in turn express their, often contrary, stupid views.

Somehow things have changed and they’re now allowed access to media but some of them seem to have achieved a worrying degree of power and influence. They get more than their fair share of attention and coverage.

Suddenly opinions of rich and stupid people are reported as news in mainstream media, they’ve completely taken over the social scene and instead of ringing talkback radio they’re now host it.

Somehow, and it’s beyond me to fathom how, stupid people have become trendy and hip, like it’s the latest app for iPhones or something, and it even seems like previously reasonable people have begun to aspire to being stupid. You cannot underestimate the impact it has.

Our mistake is that we see stupid people as individuals and that tricks us into thinking of them as rather harmless. If you start viewing them as a group, or as a trend, it becomes frightening and you can feel the panic start creeping up on you.

If you view them as a group you realise that they have a massive influence and that they are far more powerful than the Mafia ever was. Even without leaders or organisation they somehow manage to operate effectively and with incredible coordination. Our greatest mistake is to underestimate their power as a group.

It can be hard to identify stupid people; some of them manage to sound quite reasonable at times. It’s not like there’s a given characteristic that you can identify them by. They don’t have a large S tattooed on their foreheads.

People who are not stupid always underestimate the harmful potential stupid people have and they routinely forget that associating with stupid people invariably leads to pain and disaster of some sort.

A stupid person is the most dangerous individual there is. They may not have had training but one stupid person can cause more damage than a fully kitted out hoard of rampaging Rambos pumped up on steroids.

Do not be fooled into thinking that they are harmless! George Bush was elected president of the USA for Christ’s sake!

On top of the list of my rich and stupid favorites is Paris Hilton. She’s almost a category of her own and is most definitely the epitome of rich and stupid. If rich and stupid had an avatar or icon it’d be a picture of her. Without knickers.

What makes Paris more dangerous than most rich and stupid people is that we’ve allowed her to be seen as successful first and foremost. The fact that she’s incredibly stupid has been allowed to take a back seat. She’s somehow been made worthy of being some sort of role model for the young and impressionable. She is a perfect example of the role model that creates most of the problems.

Locally here in Australia we have ex-football legend Ricky Nixon, the last in a long line of ex-footballers to provide a sterling example of rich and stupid. He apparently thought it was a good idea to have some sort of, and I quote him, “inappropriate relationship” with a teenage girl who is, coincidently, also stupid (although perhaps not rich). They seem to congregate don’t they? Now this girl apparently had a history of emotional and sexual immaturity. Somehow he thought it was a good idea to keep her company…..

People of average and above average intelligence are stunned. Did he not think about consequences? Did he not weight up the pros and cons? Did he not see that hooking up with this girl could only be damaging to him. Apparently not! It was apparently a complete surprise to him when it happened.

It’s hard to imagine how his internal dialogue would have sounded in this case but perhaps it was firmly in the forefront of his brain that he’s a successful ex-footballer and that he’s therefore influential and desirable, and as such he leads an extraordinary life filled with money, power and sex. If you put it in those terms the whole thing may have seemed reasonable.

I suppose in the end, by calling these people stupid, we make it OK for them to behave the way they do. It’s like we’re providing them with the ultimate excuse. This way our ex-footballer becomes a victim rather than someone whose behaviour we ought to condemn or at least ridicule.

We have to stop this! We need to make being stupid undesirable and we need to fill the role model vacuum with some decent peoples. I’d even take Bear Grylls at this stage (you know, Man versus Wild). We have to stop making excuses for stupid people and we need to start really ridiculing stupidity and call these people what they really are: stupid.

So Charlie (Sheen), while living with two porn actresses and claiming that you can handle crack and booze I would like to tell you on behalf of all intelligent people in this world: You look like shit and you’re behaving like an arse! We like that you’ve created a twitter account but please limit your interaction with the public to that forum. We need a break! Take some tranquilisers.

And Lindsey Lohan: Come on already!

Britney Spears: Thank you for wizening up (if that’s what you’ve done).

Paris Hilton: Wear fucking knickers and shut the fuck up! Feel free to never leave your mansion again.

Footballers: Play football. Nothing else.

Sport stars in general: Play your sport. Don’t talk. Maybe model underwear (we understand that you need to build a nest egg for the future, you’re going to have to retire early).

George Bush: I still have nightmares about you being the president of the USA. Then I wake up and realise there are others like you in charge of other countries and as a group they are really scary.

My ex-neighbor: Your dog getting into my yard doesn’t make it reasonable for you to treat me like I’ve stolen the fucking mutt. And hey! While you’re giving me a speech about how you’re into “child protection” your little three-year old is running around with a sharp knife behind you. Maybe he’s trying to kill you because you’re stupid (in which case he has my support).

To all other stupid people: Please go away. I hear they are populating Mars soon. It will be fun!

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